Just few words
by WomanWhoWrites
Summary: Just few words from Hogwarts ruled by Snape and Carrows.
1. Chapter 1

Harry,

You may be wondering why I am writing to you. I am wondering too. You know, it's obvious, that you will never be able to read it. Not only that you are gone for Merlin–knows–where, also I don't feel like showing you all this stuff when you come back. If you come back.

You know I just feel like I must tell someone what's going on with me now, or my head will explode. Or I will lose my sanity. Not that I like the idea of writing down my all feelings, you know – even it is mine and definitely not enchanted diary. I just don't like this thing. Unfortunately it's the only way I can throw up things out of me, so, I hope that you wouldn't mind that you are the one who must… hear? Read? Who must know what's up with me.

But, for Merlin sake, you should know it! And you should be just here to support and comfort me as any other boyfriend would do! And you shouldn't be gone. And you shouldn't dumped me just like you did!

Yes, of course I understand who you are and that you've got "a stuff to do". And this is so damn unfair!

Ok, I took a deep breath and I think, that I'm over complaining and getting frustrated. So, to the point: it's almost a month after the school get started.

You know, I've never thought about Hogwarts the way you did – as home. For me it wasn't a place to be in loved with. Beeing in it was ok, I think, especially last year, with you so close. But now it's so different.

It's dark here, Harry. I can barely find words to describe it for you. The place you loved is gone. There are only walls from Hogwarts you've known, love. The Carrows are terrifying. You know, Umbridge was bad, but they are so much worse. They are Deatheaters, for Merlins sake, what else can I expected? But that what they are doing is just _bad_…

And we riched the point. You know, the _why _I am writing to you now it's that I can't handle it by myself anymore. I need you, even if you are only the figment of my imagination.

Today, at the DADA classes we started to learn the _Crucio _curse. And we practiced at a boy, a second–year Ravenclaw. A boy, Harry. Just a child. He was so scared that he cried, and everything I wanted to do was to hug him. But I didn't. I cowarded. He was there all alone in the class full of people, because all of them was as big fucking cowards as me. And that son of a bitch tortured him! He was screaming in pain and I did nothing! I feel like shit now.

If it had happend just two weeks ago I would be there for him. Two weeks ago I was still fighting. But today I just know too good how the _Crucio_ tastes. And I am afraid of the pain. I'm sorry. I'm not a hero like you.

At the moment, Harry, I feel broken. I just came back from Hospital Wing – Neville is better. He is conscious, after all. See, Harry? At least he's still fighting.

Maybe, some day, I will be able to fight again. But not now. I'm sorry, love.

Ginny.


	2. Chapter 2

Harry,

I had a dream last night. Just that is quite uniqe, because I wasn't dreaming for few long weeks, but it's not the matter. The matter is that you were there.

It was a bathroom – a very nice bathroom, just like one I want to have in my own house – with big mirror, soft towels near the wash basin and bright walls. There were sunflowers on the shelf and by the small window sun was breaking in. It was like sunny summer morning.

I was just standing in the door and watching – you were in your vivid red pajama pants (that ones with snitches near ankles) and in baggy Puddelmere United t–shirt. Shaving gel was almost all over your face and you looked just funny. You were so focused on the razor that it made me laugh. You spotted me in the mirror, turned to me and said something that I wasn't able to hear, and then I noticed that specific light drops in your eyes – you have it always when you are going to do something illigal but fun, you know? You smirked, came closer to me, quickly effaced the gel from your face with your hand and smashed it all over my nose. And then you grinned. "You bastard!" I was going to scream with laugh but then the conscious came to me – conscious that now I have no idea where you are, that it's war all around and that, in my dream, I was able to touch you. To feel you. So I didn't scream, but just put my arms around you and held you as tight as I can. You looked suprised, but hugged me back and again told something I wasn't able to hear. Then you kissed me in the top of my head and smiled.

You were so real in this dream. Every little part of you was just as I remembered, you know? Even your smell. Do you know how do you smell? It's something sunny in it, and there are raspberrys and mint. I just love that, I could smell it for rest of my life and even longer.

It was – with no doubts – the best dream I've ever had. And the best thing in it was that it gave me strenght. Because I belive that one day that dream will come true – that some day we will have a sunny bathroom with sunflowers on the shelf and soft towels near the wash basin. And – Merlin! – I belive that one day we will defeat Voldemort and Snape, and Carrows, and that we will be able to create a family, Harry. I am in love with idea watching you every morning in your pajama pants, with wild–messy hair and sleep bags under your eyes. Belive me, for that idea I am able to stand up, fight, and, for Merlin's sake, win that war!

So I talked to Neville already. He is happy that I'm _in_ again. We are going to face the Carrows, who cares how much pain will it cost. Now, when I have vision of our furure, Harry, I can stand it. I'm sure. And somebody must resist them! We have to show them – and all other students – that there are still people who would never give up.

It's almost half of October. Over two months since you were gone. Sometimes I'm wondering what do you do and where you are? Are you taking care of yourself? – no, definitely not. I know you good enough to know this.

But do you think that everyone around hates you? With that whole ministerial "Undesirable Number 1" action you can be forced to belive that you really are not welcome by wizards. But it's a lie, Harry! For many of us you are symbol of hope, loyality, bravery and love. Please, do not belive in any ministerial shit.

I miss you, love. Not even from selfish motives (ok, from them too), but I miss you because you would know how to kick Carrows arses, and now I really wanna do this.

Always love you,

Gin.


	3. Chapter 3

Harry,

I hope that you will enjoy the fact that DA is working again. With Neville we thought a lot about the ways we can disturb the Carrows and we belive that Dumbledore's Army working again in the school is the best idea. It's verry different without you – our meetings are now like planing and doing, not like teaching. And now there are just few people in: I, Neville, Luna, Michael, Seamus, Lavender and the Patil twins.

You know, I liked Michael before because he was funny and sweet. And he first saw me as a girl, not just like a baby sister of Ron Weasley, The Friend Of Harry Potter. But now I can see that he is brave. He supports me in the classes, he stands against the Carrows. And he grits his teeth and tries to not scream when they use the next _Crucio. _Now I don't regret that he was the first boy I kissed. Even if he is still with the River Woman (it was a school nickname for Chang, if you don't know who I am talking about).

Luna's resistance is different, but you know her, she is different in everything she does. She is so… calm in this. Just look – on the yesterday's lesson I was in the middle of row with that bitch, Alecto (you know, it's quite funny: it's enough to say 'that bitch' or 'that motherfucker' and everyone around you knows about who you're talking about. And 'batfucker' is… I'm sure you know who it is). She tried to make us belive that every single muggle is dirty and has mud on his hands. So I just told her, that I will rather like mud on muggle's hands than blood of my family and friends on hers. She was so furious that I can barely saw her swine's eyes. And she slapped my face. Luna just stood up from her chair and said: 'You shouldn't hit her. She's my friend'. That bitch was close to hit Luna too, but then Luna continued: 'You can bit me if you want, it's ok. But you must know, that friends are more important than injures. If you will still behave like that you will never have friends.' I don't know Alecto was more shocked or angry, anything it was – it stopped her for a second, so it was big. But we both had a detention, anyway. And it was today. And the best thing in it that it's over now. I can barely belive that I will say that, but I really miss good, old detentions with Flich.

You know, I can't stop thinking about the Gryffindor's sword. I'm sure that it was in the Dumbledore's will not by accident. I'm sure that you will need it. And it's so close… Just in director's office. Harry… I wanna help you, even by doing so small thing like capturing that sword for you. I've talking about it with Neville and Luna – they are people I trust the most in Hogwarts now – and they both said that stealing it from batfucker's office is the best thing we can do here. So we have started to collect informations. Now we know, that the password is _misericordia_ (bastard! I'll show him some _misericordia_ only if I can!) so in few days, just at the occasion, we'll break in and still the sword. Merlin, if we will have your invisibillity cloak! Not even talking about Maruder's Map. Sometimes I'm so angry at you! Just why didn't you borrow it to me when you knew that you're not coming back here? I know that you are attached to it, but… but life here would be so much easier if we had it.

Just imagine, that tonight Michael will be safe during the graffiti producing. That Parvati and Lavender will not come back to Tower with their hearts in their mouths because they had to stand on the look–out. With the Map just Michael would be enough. You know, I'm scared about them all. I feel like I'm – in a part – responsible for them. Few days ago, when we started diversion by graffiting huge '_Dumbledore's Army, still recruiting_' near the Carrows classes, it was like euphoria for me. Now it gone down, and I'm worrying about hole DA. I think that it's something you felt about us two years ago. Merlin… it's seems like ages. Is it possible that from that time Sirius died, the war started, we were together, we spent some sweet time near the lake, batfucker killed Dumbledore, we broke up, you went 'for a mission' and I'm here, at Hogwarts without any knowledge about you? I don't even know are you alive. I just belive you are.

Sometimes I wonder if only things that still make me belive in better days are my dreams? Probably. From that one I described for you I have dreams like that everynight, so I almost know how our future house will look like. Only kitchen and living room are still missing. I know, that we will have a sunny bedroom with pale blue bedclothes (you look so peacefull when you sleep), a spacefull dining room with huge table – for almost all our friends – and very green garden with few trees. Brich, mostly.

So I just can't wait the day you'll defeat You–Know–Who. Because I know you will. My dreams must become true. Or I will hex the crap out of somebody…

Love you,

Gin.


	4. Chapter 4

Harry,

I am so, so sorry, love. We failed. We didn't get the sword – batfucker captured us. I've never hated him more than in that moment – every single part of him – his greasy hair, huge nose, that black eyes of murderer!

We've got a detention, but conciousnes that we fuck it up was so much worse than spending few hours with Hagrid in a Forbbiden Forest. I'm so angry at myself I can barely handle in my own body. There are moments when I wish I'll be a House Elf – I'll be able to punish myself and maybe real pain would feel better than this stupid feeling I've in my chest now. You know that I really don't like crying. It makes me feel weak – but, in freaky way it's weakness what makes me cry. And you.

I cried when I was too weak to get you when I was younger, I cried when I was too weak to stop you this summer, and I cried now – when I was too weak to help you. And the strangest was that I cried on Neville's shoulder.

Did you ever pay attention to Neville? I mean – attention he deserves. For me he was for few good years someone like… looser. He was always behind you – the Golden Trio, never good enough to get IN. I remember the Yule Bal with him – honestly, it was a disaster. He was so shy, so slouchly, so bad–dancing… and just few years flew by and he become someone like… leader.

Yes, Harry, he leads the DA now. He may thinks that I and Luna lead it too, but he's wrong. We're just helping in the technical cases. He is something you were before – the heart of group. He unites everybody, makes us belive that we really can do something. He is always the first to help other people dealing with Carrows, and the last one who gave up fighting with them. And this is why now he got scars and brushes almost all over his face and whole body. Carrows don't play in 'I'm–a–nice–proffesor' game.

Sometimes I'm actually happy you're not here. Not even because they will imediately got you to the Voldemort – more because if you were on this lessons they will kill you. I know you, Harry, I know that you are not able to stand all that bullshit, you will say something true about them… and they will kill you with bare hands. And Cruciatus Curse. They really can't stand when somebody say truth. Few days ago Alecto stabbed me with a knife because I said that almost all of Death Eaters will left their master with no grief if only he loose his power. And this war is not about making world a better place, as they try to make us belive – it's only about mastery and madman dreams. Isn't it, Harry?

You should be happy, because few more people joined DA again. Justin Finch–Fetley, Terry Bott and Anthony Goldstein are in. It's good. Actually we think that reactivating teaching group will be a good idea. Everyone believes that some day you will come here and lead us against Snape and Carrows and we want to be well prepared for that day. Personally I can't wait to hex the crap out of them so you should hurry up.

There are clouds everywhere. I hate clouds, especially grey and cold ones. I miss sunny and warm days. Hot days. Remember? That was really hot day, and we laid under apple tree in the garden while soft wind moved the air. I said something about how much I love the weather like this and then you turned back to me, laughed about my dreamy look and said this.

"_You shold have 'Summer' for second name, Ginny. There is Summer in you". _

I can still remember your voice. But it's weaker every time I tried to listen your words in my head and this is something what scares me. Really.

You really should hurry up, love. I don't wanna wake up some day and find that… No, I don't even want to think about it.

Please, come back.

Ginny.


End file.
